The Devil is small and blue.

This is the post excerpt.


It starts as a non-issue and you think to yourself “I got this, I won’t let it become a problem”. It starts off as a after work thing , non threatening and such. What fools we were , we should’ve know better. It develops into a need because the sickness you experience without it is unbearable , now we need it to function “normally”. Now we have ignored our priorities and put this above all….we have fallen behind in a big way…we don’t sleep much …we eat barely…we are consumed entirely now. We talk about quitting …we want to quit more than anything. Tired of the money games …the lying…the constant feeling of unease never truly resting. How did we let it get this bad? when did we lose control? I don’t want to live this way…

Then out of nowhere, like divine intervention, the man that sold the Devil to so many was stopped…no more Devil for us…or anyone for that matter. I panicked about the sickness that was in my near future ..but I was glad they were gone…never again. We are lucky to have only lost a few months.

You can and you WILL lose control to these blue devils.

Realization. Pain. Shame.

There’s nothing like waking up puking your brains out because you’re dope sick…really puts things in perspective….that out of body experience you get and you look down at yourself… How did I get here… Oh yeah…. Fuck…I don’t want to be this person I am not this person…ugh….I think my head is going to explode…

I can’t watch my favorite show….the drug use in it is too much for me right now…my arm is sore but at least I can move it today….
Trying to hide this sucks…sleeves are short…day 4 here we go..

One moment at a time..

When you’re an addict it’s not something you can be cured of and it’s not something that goes away, like any mental illness, you just learn to cope with it better as time goes on. First you must accept that you are an addict, I was in denial for a long time until just recently. You think to yourself “Me? An addict? No way, I just like to have a good time I’m nothing like those type of people.” Oh honey how wrong you are…everyone does one thing or another to take away the pain….to be numb.

Now to try and move forward…